Questions

We have been instructed to pass a notebook back and forth to the school with comments and questions regarding our son. Today we asked why the case manager wasn't at our meeting last week. The answer: "Since the meeting is administrative, and not about M's IEP, I was told I didn't need to be there." Since we talked at length about the case manager, and the statements made to the Deputy Sheriff, as well as the IEP, it would have been good for her to be there to talk things out and move forward.

A dear friend told me...

A person dear to my heart told me something I thought I would share. As a parent of a special needs child, or children as the case may be, we need to celebrate the good things in their lives. Lately, I have been engulfed in the negative aspects of trying to deal with their lives.

Their lives are so much more complex than mine. The simple joys of getting through a morning, or afternoon without problems should be a celebration. Getting through a whole day is a victory. If that is the case, then what is a week of good days worth?

We had a good week, both in school and at home. That should be celebrated. Because it is a HUGE Victory. It is a positive way to begin the next week. Sometimes, victory occurs first with small beginnings.

A celebration such as this in the life of one of our boys is huge.

A person dear to my heart also said that I shouldn't forget about my wife. Together we are team that goes against considerable odds on behalf of our children. We sometimes forget that we are more to each other than a source of income, a meal, a warm bed, or someone to yell at when times are tough.

We forget the things in our lives that made us a team before we had kids. The love that we share. To remember these things is not to forget the children. We are a team. We need to work on that as well as all of the things we do for our kids. These things need to be nurtured, lest they be lost.

And then I think about my girls. They help us make our home what it is. Ready to help. Sometimes with complaint... :) I can't forget the girls. Be it helping to cook supper, or wrangling the boys so mom and dad can talk about the day privately, they are ready with a quick joke, a grin, and hugs when needed.

We tell them we want them to be teenagers. I am proud of the young ladies they have become. I don't want to embarrass them so won't say more, because I know they will read this... thanks girls!!!

Noticed something

Since the school thinks the blog is gone, everyone talks to me again. What exactly are they afraid of? I only post the things that happen to one of the kids on this blog, either good or bad. What is so bad about that?

I don't much care if they like me or not. What I do care about is how they treat my kids.

Probation Officer Conversation

I talked with the probation officer today for M. She hasn't gotten the police report from the incident yet - the incident happened three weeks ago. I explained that the school said the report was wrong, and that when we asked them to contact the sheriff's office to get it corrected, the school told us it was our responsibility to get it corrected. She also told us that M is getting a new probation officer because she is no longer going to handle cases from our county. How frustrating. She thinks it is odd that the school would first state that the report is wrong, and then state that it was our responsibility to get it corrected. She didn't think that was right.

She did say that they would be in touch as soon as the police report came in.

Underground Blogger

I have taken my blog underground. Seems like some people in the school district took offense to it. They felt threatened by it. So here it is. ndfatheroffive.blogspot.com no longer exists. welcome to afatherofmany.blogspot.com. You need an invite to even be able to read this. As a result, if you know someone who would benefit from reading my blog, let me know their email address. as long as they are not affiliated with our school district, I will let them in. That said, please don't share what you read here with your school district. They might take offense and feel threatened by it. I won't tell you what school district we are in. :)

Paperwork

I wish that all of these agencies that we work with for special needs kids would share intake information. More paperwork. Are there any trees left in the world? I have taken to asking if there is an online form I can fill out. The answer is always no. It wouldn't be so bad, but every form asks for the same information. What happened to the paperwork reduction act?

End of a Good Week

M had a good week over all.  I told the speech therapist not to engage M in any power struggles. 

Talked with Protection and Advocacy (P and A) on Friday.  Signed a bunch of releases so that they can look at his school, psych, and probation records.  Faxed copies of the Sheriff report to their office, as well as our copy of the IEP, witness statements, and other information we thought important.  She made the comment that it sounded like the school needed an education in how to work with someone like M.

Spent some time talking to the school counselor. He didn't understand why three different stories were told by the people who were there the day M experienced his break down.

Evidently the aide that was working in Special Ed with M has been released from employment at the school.  I wonder if this is in retaliation for her statement on the day of the incident. 

On this coming Thursday we will have our second meeting with the school.  It is scheduled for 1 to 4 on Thursday.  Hopefully P and A can be there.

I am reading From Emotion to Advocacy by the Wrights from wrightslaw.com. 

Goodness

It has been a good week.  M has had very few problems this week.  The problems he has had are more typical of a child his age.  Pushing someone who cut in line.  He is still argumentative, and really likes to sass and talk back. 

Had to sit the girls down last night and reestablish ground rules.  It takes the whole family to make our house work.  We appreciate their help, but when they fall short, someone else is left holding the bag and taking up the slack.  The biggest issue is empty washing machines.  An empty machine in our house is a waste of resources.  There is always laundry to do. 

Normal problems... :)  Three cheers for our house!!!

Now, I am waiting on a call from P and A.  Been waiting for over a week. I called and left a message with the lady who did the intake.  She called back and said she would resend my contact info to the advocate who is assigned to our case.  Still waiting for a call from her.  Very frustrating.

We meet a week from today with the school, so I hope that we can have the advocate with us.  It doesn't bode well.

repetition

Noticed something on Friday, and paid more attention to it over the weekend.  M has started repeating words and phrases four or five times or more.  Doesn't matter if it is something off the television, something someone said, or something he came up with on his own.  Probably just a phase.  :)

He was being especially difficult this morning.  His spoon got milk on it, so he had to get his socks on.  I have no idea why he needed socks for a wet spoon.  Then he got difficult with getting his snow pants on and cooperating to get in the van.  His siblings don't like it when he does that.  I don't like it either, but recognize the mental illness causing some of his behaviors, whereas they just seem him as being difficult.

Now, how to educate them to see the mental illness as well as the behavior?

seeing the sunrise

Seeing the sunrise is like seeing the laughter in my kids' eyes. Beautiful, refreshing everyday, and something I can't wait to see again.

Stuff

Spent the day with M, just him and me in the city. New psychiatrist said we should charge the school for putting their hands on M. According to their statements, they lifted him before he had his episode and attacked the teacher last week. That is a no-no. She felt it was odd that the statements didn't match the incident report. Ah well. Drew blood for the genetic testing today. M handled it like a trooper. No tears, talked all the way through. He listened very well all morning as well. Didn't have to be told repeatedly to not do stuff. I am proud of him, and told him so. Then when I got home he helped me break ice in the driveway. Kept telling me not to over do it because I had surgery on my arm yesterday. "Don't hurt that arm dad..."

It was cute.

SSI

Got a call from SSA regarding M. We applied for SSI on his behalf. They lost the electronic data that we submitted via the electronic form on the socialsecurity.gov website. How do you lose electronic data?

Was told I shouldn't have used that online form for a child disability report. Now I have to do it again via phone conference.

tag team school meetings

What really pisses me off, is that at the reentry meeting yesterday for M, they tried to talk circles around my wife and got her upset. I don't go for tag team events where one side only has one person on their team and the opposing force has 6.

What ever happened to following Roberts Rules of Order, where one person speaks at a time?

incident report from school

Just got a copy of the incident report. After reading it, I am not sure that I was even in the room last friday talking with the deputy. According to the incident report, I am the one who requested charges. According to the incident report, I am very relaxed when dealing with issues regarding my children, and was laughing and joking and that incidents of this nature are not to be taken lightly.

I am anything but relaxed. My outward demeanor is relaxed. What good does it do to rant, and shout and get angry about mental illness? As much as I want it to, it isn't going to go away.

I was told that the school is mandated to press charges. I was told that out of school suspension was mandated. What a crock, now they are making things up to suit there story. When my wife gets home, will compare the "incident report" with the statements that they gave the deputy.

Very frustrated.

meeting regarding reentry into the school

we were invited to a meeting about M returning to school after his suspension for assaulting his teacher. We asked on Friday for copies of the teacher's statements that were given to the deputy sheriff and were denied. We received copies of the statements yesterday my wife met with the school this morning. M did not need to attend this meeting about his reentry into the school.

So my wife brought up the deputies report and statements provided by the teachers. she was told by one of the teacher's involved that the deputies report was wrong. If the deputies report is based on the teacher's statements, then are the teachers statements wrong?

we also asked the following questions:

1. If the teacher’s had nothing to hide, why were we not given copies of the statements written by the teachers immediately after the incident occurred? we had to contact the Sheriff directly to get the statements, we received the statements on February 8, 2011. Without accurate information we have only been able to form an opinion based on what M has told us.

2. Where in the CPI training manual does is it say that it is ok to carry a child that is not your own, as a means of restraint.

3. Why did a teacher put M into a hold on the floor? Is this taught by CPI?

4. Why do the statements made by the teachers’ have so many variations? And which statement is accurate?

5. Where in the Parent/Student Handbook does it state that it is mandatory to file criminal charges against a child for assaulting a teacher?

6. Where in the Parent/Student Handbook does it state that the child has to be suspended for three days for assaulting his teacher?

7. Where is our copy of the IEP that was developed for M?

8. If the Love Logic principles of discipline are being used, where in the handbook does it state that the school uses CPI?

9. Why was 911 called, and not the Sheriff’s Department’s regular number? How is this an emergency?

My wife also asked about meetings where someone always has to leave early. The meetings are supposed to be scheduled for convenience of the parent’s. We were told that we were to schedule another meeting for next week ...that I could also attend.

a thought

My wife and I were looking for people who could help advocate for M. We stumbled across a link to the education advocacy site at the NAACP.

We forget that he is African-American. We don't see him as African-American, we see him as our son.

Just had to share that thought.

We don't want him to be a political pawn for others to use to further an agenda.

On a side note, I have been in touch with everyone under the sun today. Protection and Advocacy, Federation of Families, Juvenile Services, Human Service Center. Just waiting for results.

Meeting with the superintendent of the school tomorrow.

Dads Groups

No offense moms, but dads need a group just for themselves. It isn't easy sharing your feelings with another person, it is even harder if you are male. I am not talking about a get down and drunk group. I am talking about a group that is uniquely father based. Where we can share our hopes and dreams for our children with others who understand our perspective as a father.

Since I started this blog, I have had a number of dads email me and say "I thought it was just me..." Father's shouldn't be made to feel that way.

Know of one? I searched the Internet and found a couple, but none in North Dakota, and most deal with child support and single dads. While that is important, this group is about the special needs of our kids.

Maybe it is time to start a group.

What do you think? Let me know on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/carlyoungnd or send me an email... carl@clientfactor.com

Thanks.

Preparations

We are getting ready for meetings with the school. We are getting some assistance from an Education Specialist at the University. She asked to be invited to our next meeting, we are hoping for assistance from Protection and Advocacy as well.

We are going to invite the school superintendent.

If this doesn't work, we will seek legal advice, under the Americans with Disabilities and Civil Rights Acts.

On a plus side, we asked for an increase in the subsidy payment we get for M because of the special needs adoption and it was approved.

Waiting for SSI determination.

Waiting for Spring.

*$(%*& School!!!

By M's standards, he had a good week. Unitl 2:30 pm on Friday afternoon. He rolled his pencil away and said he didn't want to. School ends at 3:10. Couldn't we just let it go.

Nope.

Got a call at 2:50 that the sheriff was at the school for M.

Seems that after M said no, someone who doesn't work with him, got involved and leaned on the table using her fists to hold herself up. (which some would consider a threatening position.) To quote the teacher who is working with M, he vacated which is the term that we use to describe what happens to him when he has a manic episode. It took two people to restrain him, and one person got bit in the process. The person who got bit was the person who doesn't work with him and who helped (in my view) escalate the whole process.

The school followed the IEP in that they called me, couldn't reach me, so called the sheriff. Reports were files, and now M has another assault charge pending.

I asked for a copy of the report since M is a minor. Was told that one of the teachers who wrote a report was uncomfortable with me having a copy of the report.

I have been in touch with a number of people and agencies since this happened.
I have been in touch with Protection and Advocacy. I have been in touch with the Sheriffs office to get a copy of the report. As a parent of the person charged, who is a minor, I feel I should have a right to receive the statements. I have been in touch with M's probation officer. I have been in touch with the psychiatrist.

I even tried to get in touch with the superintendent of the school.

M has mental health issues that the school knows about. Someone approached him in a manner that he saw as confrontational. (even unconsciously) He is not innocent. I am not say that he is.

M is on three days of out of school suspension.

Early next week, we will be demanding meetings with the superintendent, we are hoping to bring protection and advocacy. We are hoping and planning for M to be reinstated.

For the record, the probation officer (PO) gave me her opinion. She doesn't think that the school is doing enough for him. I explained to the PO that we hadn't her from Partnerships yet. I also explained who all I talked with as a result of this incident.

manic episode behavior

Another thing M likes to do when he is having a manic episode is throw himself around. I have seen him throw himself at the wall, or bring himself from a standing position to a horizontal position in mid air, then letting himself fall to the floor. I have seen him land on his head. Then if he knows no one but you saw him do it, he will accuse you of hurting him.

We used to think that his brothers and sisters were beating on him, until we saw him do that.

manic episodes

At least once a day M has a manic episode that causes him to explode in anger.

I am trying to teach myself how to defuse these episodes. It starts by not allowing him to push buttons. Walking away or listening to an mp3 helps.

The theory being that if I don't feed the episode he can't explode. Started just letting him have things that he takes. Will deal with the consequences of his actions later. Far better to avoid the confrontation now then to have the stress of the extreme blow out now. He hates it when I do that, but it also seems to be helping with the problem. Once I am certain that he is past the blow out stage, then we deal with the consequences of taking things that don't belong to him.

M is a master at manipulating the environment to suit his emotional needs. Seems like if he wants a confrontation bad enough, there is no getting away from it. Once he has it, everything is fine.

obsessions

M has a penchant for repeating two or three times everything that he hears. While we fine it annoying, we have to remember that he may need to do that for his compulsion. There are worse things that he could feel compelled to do. Sometimes when he does it, I am not entirely sure that he even knows that he does it.

The other thing is that he likes to stare. I hate to admit that hit creeps me out to have him staring at me for 5 minutes or more. most of the time a quick reminder to not stare because it is impolite and he will stop. Redirection helps, but sometimes, we have to really get on him to stop.

oh, and the cat is in heat. Can't wait until we can get her spayed.

EKG and EEG

M did really well with both tests. The EKG results came back normal. Waiting on the EEG results.

Got a little frustrated with the Federal Building.
Can't take cell phones into the building.
Can't take knives into the building. (including pocket knives and finger nail clippers)
Can't have any electronic devices, including calculators, digital voice recorders, and the like.
Had to take off my belt to get through the scanner.

Through it all, M was a trooper. Stopped for lunch at McD's on the way home.

On the plus side we got our application for SSI in. Now we wait for the determination which will likely be a denial, that we can appeal. We may get denied two or three times before we get approved. That is the way the system works, of course, according to the lady at Social Security, we might get lucky. Could take 6 months for the initial determination. Which is really nice considering I can't work right now because of the needs of my three special needs boys. Once we get determination for one, we will apply for the other two.