Psychology and genetics

Wondering if psychological conditions are genetic...

M's mom had a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as a Bipolar Disorder and a history of drug use. She also had a history of cutting, or self mutilation.

National Institute of Mental Health defines it as:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation.

Symptoms

While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments.

People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, binge eating and risky sex. BPD often occurs together with other psychiatric problems, particularly bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and other personality disorders.

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Sounds like someone I know and love. I call him my son.

Feelings Run Amok

I don't work outside of my home.

My work is my kids, and taking care of their needs.

I am lucky that my wife can support us, mostly, on what she earns as a teacher.

Get over it. I am not less than a man because I do the work that I do. I am secure in the knowledge that what I do has value and is important. I sometimes need to be reminded of this when my wife tells me that she did it for x number of years before going back to work.

I don't know that I am up to the task, but I think that I can do a better job of educating my child than you and your school are doing. I value him as a person.

We sometimes struggle with his behaviors just like you do. Is he perfect? no, am I? no. Are you? If you think you are, I can understand why you are having problems dealing with kids like my child.

I worry about my child constantly. I am up at night wondering if I am doing enough for him. I am up at night making sure that he sleeps through the night so that he can start each day fresh. I wonder if I am doing everything for my child that is humanly possible. Do you worry about my child when you go home for the day? Or while you are enjoying an evening out with a spouse or loved one without the kids? Does your worry about my child end when you go on vacation?

I worry that my child's behavior is affecting our other kids. I worry that my child's behavior is affecting his classmates.

I wonder if you see the full potential of my child like I do. Or do you just see the negative aspects of his world?

Until recently you refused to help my child. Now all of a sudden you are feeling sympathy, and make comments like "oh the poor dear, isn't he going through so much for such a little guy?" What changed? Could it be the civil rights violation I threatened you with?

I have other kids with special needs in your school. They deserve the same respect as any other child. Do not discount me as a parent who is annoying, or getting in your face. I know my rights. More importantly, I know my child's rights. Trample those rights at your own peril.

To quote a friend of mine, I am your worst nightmare. I am a parent who is actively involved in the lives of my children.

I have nothing better to do with my day than worry about what you are doing or not doing for my child. I can be your biggest cheerleader, or your worst nightmare. It is your choice to make.

Thank you

(I borrowed the idea from a friend, and tried to remain true to what he wrote, however, I am me, and while he came up with the idea, the feelings are mine alone.)

A T Moment

T asked the paraprofessional in his classroom what a douche bag is. :) She explained that it was something similar to a dork or geek.

His response was, "thank you, I have been calling my brother that for a while, and needed to know what it was."

a WOW moment

Met a new psychiatrist for M today. She asked half a dozen questions, then said...
"He has this disorder, this disorder and this disorder. "

Then she said, "has he had this test?"

no.

"This test?"

no.

"This test?"

no.

"Then," she asked, "how come he has to take all these meds.?"

So beginning Monday we are starting testing. First test EKG. Second test EEG, Third test Genetic, Fourth test Psychological.

She said "we might add a couple of diagnosis, but then we can start treating things in a fashion that makes sense, and provides the best CHANCE for success." Rather than just throwing different meds at him, we may actually get to the root of the problem, and begin treating that.

She also indicated that if we treat the bipolar first, we can lessen some of the other disorders and begin treating them. Some of the disorders have overlapping indicators, so by treating one, we can begin treating all. Since the bipolar disorder is the most prominent feature we need to treat that one first. None of his current meds treat that disorder.

She named a couple of other disorders that she thinks that he may have.

They include:

1. Reactive Attachment Disorder.
2. Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
   
3. an anxiety disorder.
4. Autism Spectrum Disorder features.
   

She said that the most important time for a child to begin forming a bond with someone is the month immediately after birth. Since he spent a large part of that first month of his life in the hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, he didn't have the opportunity to form that bond with anyone. Which, will affect his relationships for the rest of his life.

More when I know it. :)

I know not to get my hopes up, but it is so refreshing to hear the doctor not say "let's change his meds again."

Respite Care

We talked to the doc at length today and he talked about respite care. We were denied respite care last fall because we haven't spent enough medicaid dollars. In order to qualify we have to spend more than 15,000 dollars in medicaid dollars. Since we are trying to keep M at home as much as possible, we don't spend the medicaid dollars.

Doc thinks that we may qualify this year. So keeping our fingers crossed.

Also hoping to hear about our application for SSI. Since this is our first application I expect to get denied.

Sleep time

M apologized to someone in his sleep. :) He and I sleep in the same room. So that we can keep track of what he is doing. So I wake up when he moves around, most of the time. Such a sweet heart. Wish that this part of him could take over the awake part of his life. Ah well, he wouldn't be the little boy we love without those day time qualities no matter how frustrating they can be.

I can hear T giggling at something on his tv. T if I haven't said, has Autism. He is high functioning, but lacks social skills, and filters. He is my mini-me. We spent the day together, and he slept for about half of it, while we were in the car. (fell asleep reading a book about the Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln, which I know he has read at least twice.)

The little angels. Thinking of Mom and C in Bismarck for the Cleft Palette Clinic. Hope they enjoy the break from home. Tomorrow K has basketball, M has another psych appointment, I have an appointment as well for a lump in my arm, and E our oldest is coming with to drive in the event they have to remove the lump. I have such a wonderful family.

theft from the dr.

M got caught three separate times trying to steal toys from his psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist told him that if he didn't stop eventually he would get put in a jail. And that he could get sent there as early as age 11. He also spoke at length about M's meds, his behaviors, and anti-social personality disorder. He can't diagnose an antisocial personality disorder until the age of 18, but agrees that all of the signs are there for that eventual diagnosis. The doctor also told us that at some point, M will need to be institutionalized to protect him from himself, and to protect other people from M's behaviors. We have been told that before. At the age of 9, it is too early to be looking at long term placement.

Our goal has always been to do what is best for M. At this point, we are doing everything we can, and when the time comes, we will do that as well if it becomes necessary. We want to keep him at home for as long as possible, but not at the cost of the sanity of the other 4 kids.

Theft

M got caught stealing from the substitute teacher a couple of times today. He said he wasn't taking things from her, he was taking them from the teacher. I don't have a complete list, but it was enough that this kind woman told me about it without letting it go.

heart strings

M looks over at me, says "Nite Daddy... "

ahhh, I love the little guy. He just grabs my heart.

being difficult.

So I was away at a basketball game for one of the girls. M was home with his sister, and brother's and mom. He managed to get into trouble by stealing a laptop from me, playing with my fax machine, borrowing a book from school, and stealing pens from his mother.

He is not allowed computer time without supervision. The machine that he was playing with could have belonged to a customer, it didn't, but it could have, which is why he isn't allowed to play with computers without supervision. The fax machine can be expensive if long distance numbers are called while sending faxes. He isn't allowed to borrow books from school because he writes in everything, and it gets expensive having to replace them on a regular basis. He isn't allowed to write with pens or markers because he writes all over everything, walls, himself, books, the bath tub, it doesn't matter. I don't have enough space in my house to have a secure area to hide things from M that has both heat, and electricity. Maybe next year.

And then he acts surprised when I catch him in a lie. I asked where he got the book from and he told me the name of a teacher who is out of the school right now taking care of her father. She has been out, and will be out through the rest of the time M is in school this week. Hard for her to give him a book if she isn't there. Plus, if she had given it to him to read last week, he would have brought it home, and I believe that she would have told me about it.

Hopefully this is all the trouble he gets into today.

Where is Cosby when you need him?

Caught M with his hand in the brownie pan... asked him what he was doing. His response? "I was getting a piece of bread." Really son? Then why is there chocolate under your finger nails? Why does it look like someone was scraping the bottom of the brownie pan with a finger?

"No dad, seriously, I wasn't getting a brownie."

Maybe we need to have chocolate cake for breakfast.

Looks to be a beautiful day.

Old tricks

Another night. Old tricks. M decided to help himself to brownies. When he was done eating, he dropped the remainder on the floor. looks to be a 1/4 pan or so. Needless to say, there is nothing on the floor. Pretty sure that Brownie, or Pomeranian ate it. So we are watching the dog. Shouldn't have been enough to kill him unless he gets more.

M denied it of course. He shows zero remorse about anything, unless he is losing privileges. Then the water works start. They are never exhibited at any other time.

Good Day!

So M, did something very unusual this am. He woke me up for a glass of water. Half hour later he asked for a bowl of cereal. It was unusual. Because of his hoarding we have this rule in place where he can't help himself to anything, water included.

A couple of hours later he had to argue about some inane thing. Just because he could. At times like that we turn and walk away from the situation, because he will quickly escalate the situation to an all out fight.

All in all, it has been a good day so far.

Concept

So it seems like M has to have one time each day, where everyone in the house is upset with him. After that happens, he is pretty good for the most part. I wonder why that is? He will push every button he can to get everyone upset, and then he is back to his usual self.

Other than that one moment, and the near constant arguing prior to that moment, today has been fairly good. There have been minor infractions where he got something or did something without permission. It isn't that we don't want him to have apple juice, it is that we want to ensure that he doesn't pour juice all over, and that the juice gets put back in the fridge. Same with food.

Plus, he is not allowed in certain rooms in the house without an escort. And, he is not allowed to "hide" on the other side of a piece of furniture, because he can do stuff that he normally isn't allowed to do when he is in that position.

hoarding

Found M's stash of banana bread hidden on the floor of our bedroom closet. It was the whole loaf. He knows he doesn't have to steal food, just ask so that we can cut a piece off, and let everyone share in the goodies. Not sure why he hid it in our room. And no, I am fairly certain that it wasn't either my wife or I sleepwalking into the kitchen, taking the loaf and hiding it in our closet. We would have kept it in the bag that it was in. :)

Back to School

M had a good first day back to school. Very excited that he got his work done without argument. Didn't steal anything, and returned borrowed items without prompting. Hope the change lasts.

M return to school.

So now I got them to admit that they new he was coming back to school today. Yet no one has talked to me about timing. His whole world at school is changing, shouldn't we plan for that? he is going from being in a regular classroom to spending most of his time in the resource room. Yet, no one has contacted us to confirm, or plan for his return.

I asked for an updated IEP for M, and received what was called a tentative schedule in return. Today when I confirmed his return, I am told to consult he schedule, because while they knew he was coming back, they had no idea that he was coming half days today and tomorrow. While I am positive that we discussed it, we did not communicate in writing, so nothing exists to record the conversation except my memory.

I view written communication from them with disdain, because it often feels condescending in nature. It is really difficult to keep the sarcasm out of my emails and other communication. When he has problems again, will it be his fault entirely, or a combination of factors that occur?

frustrations with schools

I am a bit frustrated with education in our town. On Monday when I learned that M was coming home, I stopped by the school and let them know. I figured it was common courtesy. I also stated that I would keep him home for two days and then start him back to school on Thursday. Seems that they didn't understand that. Thus, they were surprised or acted surprised when my wife told them that M would be back at school for the last half of the day tomorrow and the first half of the day on Friday. They hadn't planned for his return. He will be back full time on Monday, then out for follow up psych visits on Thursday and Friday.

He hasn't been in school for over a week. First because of the hospitalization. Then as a courtesy to them for them to have time to come up with a plan for M's return. How difficult is it? When I have picked up the boys and had the chance to talk to them, it was my understanding that he was returning to school. Either way he is returning to school. He has a right to an education, it is not M's fault that the school is not ready for his return. Might be time to go beyond the school, and talk to the superintendent. If that doesn't work will call DPI and talk to them.

They sent me a tentative copy of his new schedule, as we/they are structuring M's day so that he will have less opportunity to cause, or find trouble. Don't know why they can't use it. Seems like it would work better than what was in place before M was put in the hospital.

We are frustrated. We had follow up IEP meetings for our other two boys. Got harped on about T's clothing having holes in them. Nothing major about C. Both T and C have autism diagnoses. If T has holes in his clothes, who cares? My wife gave them what for. Said, how do you know if that is all that we can afford or not? How do you know if we haven't worked with him on his clothing? Why is this an issue? If he was showing himself to his classmates because of a hole in his crotch area, I could see it being a concern. So far, that hasn't been the case. (since I do his laundry, I would know) They both have sensory issues, so only wear certain kinds of clothes. The argument that the school gave was that his classmates would pick on him. Since both T and C are in the same class, we would have heard about someone picking on him from C. T has been known to wear two different shoes to school. His appearance is not of great concern to him. They should be happy we can get him to bathe on a daily basis.

Today - a new goal

I will not let the special mental health needs of my child stress me. I will be patient. I will be calm and understanding. Today will be a good day.

Assume

While I would love to say our son is getting better, I am afraid that the hospital has done nothing more than band-aid the situation with our son.

I don't expect a cure. What I expect is honest answers to my questions. If I ask you if there have been any changes to his meds, don't lie to me and say "yes, we changed a lot of them". It makes an ass out of me to assume that you are doing your job.

Next week we are meeting with a psychiatrist out of a city to the north of us to get another opinion.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Good news site

I posted a note on Facebook asking if someone could create a site that had just good news on it. Here is a link to one such site.
DarynKagan.com

m is home

M came home from the hospital today. One minor change in his meds that has nothing to do with his behavior. Everything else is the same. I was led to believe that they did a major replacement of his medicine. Evidently that was not the case.

Good news. I no longer have to take the lopressor. I do need to continue with the Vitamin D and the ibuprofen. The cardiologist said he couldn't explain what happened. Said I need to relax more, sleep better and lose weight. Then come back in six months for a sleep study.

The day begins.

Last Spring we purchased a new range. Five burner stove, electronic control panel for oven, clock and broiler. It is not working again for the second time in two weeks. Difficult to cook for a family of seven when you are used to using the oven. 10 days wait for repair this time. Rather frustrated.

And I was going to make some more banana bread today.

Didn't make church this morning, evidently one of the boys thought that since mom wasn't home he could go back to bed.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts regarding M. It means a lot to us to hear about everyone praying for our family.

Some days I wish I was independently wealthy so that I could lift up my house and put a new one in its place. We have the old round fuse type panels in the basement for our electricity. How I wish we had breakers instead.

M in hospital

Talked to M. He wants to come home. Asked him about his day and why they made him move into a different room. He said it was because he was writing on his bed. Mom, K and Aunt spent about 2 hours with him this evening coloring pictures and doing puzzles. M asked mom if he could come home. Mom said it was hard to say no. Also said that M was kind of jittery toward the end of the visit.

I called to say good night. Explained that we needed to be certain that he was safe and that he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone else before we bring him home. It is hard. I keep looking around the house to see what he is into. Even the kids commented on how quiet the house is. I told M that I would be down on Monday after my heart appointment. And that mom would see him again tomorrow and Monday before they come back home.

He won't see the doctor again until Monday. Staff at psych told me that they called in extra staff just for M. Interesting.

a parents 10 rules for educating a child with Special Mental Health Needs.

Reading the news this morning, I saw an article about the Arizona shooter that talks of warning signs concerning his behavior and what parents should do when their child exhibits them. Then I saw another article about a first grader in Los Angeles that parents want expelled for allegedly stabbing one of his classmates with a tweezer. I use the word "allegedly" on purpose.

My wife and I are extremely active in the academic lives of our kids. I welcome anyone to spend a couple of days with us if they don't think that we are. I personally talk to my child's teacher everyday when I pick him up. Our other boys teacher talks to us regularly as well, but has an open door that I use on a regular basis when I think that she ought to know something that could affect the day of my two boys in her class.

What can you do?

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A Parents 10 Rules for Educating a Child with Special Mental Health Needs.

1. Be involved. Even if you have a job, you can still be involved. Use a telephone, email or stop and visit before school. Don't wait until a problem occurs to get involved.
   
   
2. Listen to your child talk about their day. Ask questions about what they are doing and what went on. You aren't being nosy, you are the parent. It is your duty.
   
   
3. We made the decision for either my wife or I to be a stay at home parent. Yes, we don't have a lot of money. But when you are raising a child with special mental health needs, sometimes you don't have the luxury of working a regular job. Currently, my wife has the opportunity to pursue her passion of being a school teacher, so I am the stay at home parent. Are we poor? Depends on your definition of poor. We are lucky in that we have two parents in our house. Single parent household's don't have that luxury.
   
   
4. Talk to other parents when you are at the school. You don't have to tell them your life history, but you can listen to their insights as to what is occurring in the classroom. Sometimes the story you hear about your child is inaccurate. Most of the time that won't be the case. You can share your insights as well. Your child talks about their day, share some of what happened with the parent of your child's classmate.
   
   
5. If your child starts having difficulties with their school day, be proactive in doing something about it.
   
   
6. Want to learn something about your child? Observe recess, or ask the recess teachers about your child. Does he/she interact with other children?
   
   
7. Pay attention to your child's school work. What is their handwriting like? Do they bring school work home? Go to parent/teacher conferences and talk to the teacher.
   
   
8. Don't assume that your child is innocent all of the time. Sure, every parent likes to think their child is innocent, and often times they are. But if your child suddenly starts having trouble, maybe they aren't so innocent.
   
   
9. Share your child's medical or mental health info with the school. Have the school share the child's records with the doctors.
   
   
10. While you don't have to like it, sometimes school is not the best place for your child.

The school has an obligation to all of the children in their district. Schools should be a safe place for kids.

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Number 10 frightens me. We have always asked about the other kids in M's class. How is he affecting their education? Remember this. Your child has a right to an education. But, so do the other kids in his/her class. I am not saying that you should pull your child at the first signs of distress. The school is legally obligated to work with the child, and parents to provide an education for every child in their district. Communication is the key.

Do what is necessary. We did not want to put M in the hospital. It took a long time to get to the point where we thought it was necessary. We did so in part as a result of a plan that we implemented with the school the same day we decided to hospitalize him. A plan is only good if it is followed. Be proactive. If you suspect mental health issues, or the school suspects it, do something about it. Get a child psychiatrist or psychologist involved. There is no stigma in asking for help. No man is an island. We did threaten a civil rights violation against our child's school. We started asking for help long before his behavior's escalated. The initial response was that there wasn't a problem to respond to. My wife is a teacher in special education. She knows those laws better than the average person. We know what the obligations of the school are. Without the supports that he needed, things happened.

Is M innocent? No. Is the school? No. Are we as parents? No, but I can honestly say that we feel like we are doing everything that we can. To the point of getting second opinions and demanding that the mental health team hospitalize our child.

If we don't advocate for our children, who will? When we placed M in the hospital, the doctor kept talking about waiting lists for various places where he might need to go. Are those waiting lists my problem? Yes. M can't get the care he needs if he can't be in a position to get the care. And if no beds are available, what else am I supposed to do? At any rate, M still has a right to an education. And the school still has an obligation to provide it. Even if it costs them more money or resources.

There should be a number 11. Do not forget about other kids in the house. They are as affected by the child with Special Mental Health Needs as everyone else, as are you, the parent.

Rest

My wife is a special ed teacher in a school not far from our home. We have two boys with Autism as well. Sometimes, I think about putting in for a Extreme Make Over house so that we could have a house specially built for our needs. Locks on all cupboards, video monitoring, a quiet room, more bedroom space, and a sanctuary for my wife. Sensors to track movement, and that kind of thing.

Last night was the first time in more than two years I didn't have to worry about what he was getting into. I didn't sleep very well. :) Sadly, most people, including the doctor, think that we are exaggerating his behavior. I wish. If anything, we leave a lot of stuff out. He has has a good day and night. The psych staff said that he slept 7.5 hours. He was eating breakfast when I called up there. Will go see him at noon for an hour then time to head home and trade roles with my wife. She will be in the city with our daughter K, and spend the weekend. Monday I have cardiologist. Then back to the city. Looking at a lot of windshield time this month.

I talked with the kids last night about M. They are accepting of the fact that he is in the hospital.

I wonder if this is all for nothing. Will he get the help he needs? or are we grasping at straws?

Hospital

M is going into the hospital this morning. getting ready for a long day!

Sad

Tomorrow, m will be placed in psych. I have been there myself, I don't want to do this, but if I don't how long before he hurts someone or himself?

Today he is suspended from school for stealing, threatening a couple of classmates, and his teacher. I brought him home, and he stole a pen from me. Then lied about stealing it. Said it was a pencil that his teacher gave him. So frustrated right now. Had to tell the doc that one way or another, M was going to be hospitalized. We need to get him more help than I can give him.

Suspended

M has been suspended from school. Got caught stealing from his teacher. Then threatened a classmate. So he got suspended. We are looking, at immediate placement in a medical care facility. Not sure what else to do. Yesterday he threatened his teacher again, and last night he threatened me, and threw a box fan at me. I am more afraid of him hurting himself than I am of him hurting me. Wish us luck.

Self Esteem

We are hugely worried about M and his self-esteem.

In a conversation this morning, he seemed resigned to being in naughty.

To be fair, he is naughty an awful lot, and he knows that isn't right. The standard medical solution is to give him more meds. I don't like that. so we are working on alternative methods. I hate the idea of him being on restriction all of the time. Yesterday we lifted all restrictions and let him start over with a clean slate. For the most part it went pretty good. there were times, but a quick 10 or 20 minute restriction is better than an all day one.

Green Aliens

So just when I thought I couldn't get any more frustrated... M has taken to hiding food in the couch. Last night we found a box of jerky sticks that came with the food bank truck this week. M repeatedly denied having any knowledge of how they got there. Since he has been on restriction, he is the only one who sits there.

I asked him why he lies about the things he has taken. His response was "I don't know"... feel like I should give Bill Cosby a call.

I put the couch on my list of places to clean everyday since we don't know what all he is going to hoard or when, but we do know where he puts the stuff.

My thought is: How can anyone get excited about garbage? I just don't understand the fascination with hiding empty cat food containers and other things in a dresser with clean clothes.

Ah well, the end of the day comes, and no matter what the frustrations are, or have been, he always says, "Dad, can I have a hug?" or "Mom, can I have a hug?"

Now if I could just get the girls to do their chores in a timely fashion. I had to let E, know how disappointed I was that she didn't clean the kitchen (a weekly chore with a list of things beyond what would be done everyday). If she doesn't do it today, she will have to do that everyday this week. With me watching her do it. (says it creeps her out for me to watch her do her chores)

Restriction

So M has been on restriction for the last two days because he attacked his brother and sister. Bit his brother, and pulled sis's hair, scratched, punched and kicked at her.

My wife thought she would be nice and let him look at a book for a few minutes before bedtime. I went along with this willingly. Kind of a reward for the times he was good. He was told that he couldn't fold the pages, or write in it with anything. He did both, even after being told three times not to.

So now we are on restriction for a couple of more days. Restriction is rather boring for a child with OCD, ODD and ADHD. He can do nothing. He gets to sit on the couch. No television, no toys, no notebooks to write in, and no books to read. He just sits there. He can do homework if he has some from school.

We told him that as much trouble as he has been in this week, he should be doing everything possible to stay out of trouble.

On Wednesday he blessed the lunch room at school with a tantrum that involved flying food, cuss words, and flying lunch trays. On Friday he did it again, and got a refocus for harassing another child by tapping her on the head with a pencil repeatedly even after being told not to.

And to think there are people at the school who don't think an Aide will help him.

Frustration is high at our house. the primary solution offered by psych, twice this week in response to the increase in violence is to increase his meds.

sports rant

So, I rarely post about my other kids, because there is rarely anything to say. Last night K had a basketball game. She plays on JV. Now I was there for the whole game. There was a lot of passing, including a number of times when the girls passed the ball to the phantom player who is nameless, and the ref.

I am not saying the K is a basketball goddess or anything, but as a freshman who is trying, I think that she rates more than a minute of play. Yep, let me repeat that. She got to play for one whole minute at the end of the game.

Now, our team lost by like 6 points or something. But, they had 4 girls from the varsity squad playing in a JV game, against a JV team and lost. So I told the coach I wanted to meet with her.

I began the conversation by telling coach I wasn't a basketball player and couldn't begin to understand the game. But I also said that I believed one of two things.

1. She can't control who she plays.
2. K doesn't have the skills to play JV.

Her response is that K doesn't have the skills. So now, K is a freshman. What motivation is there for her to continue playing? What motivation is there for any of the girls to play? The main girls who played last night, all have family names in the town that we live in. They have money, name recognition or a family member who is considered a sports god in this town. We are a poor family who has not lived in this town for two or three generations, so we aren't the elite. K isn't 7 foot tall. Size isn't her strong suit. What does she have? She has heart.

Last year a girl quit the squad because she was blamed for the loss of a game. The whole game rested on this one young ladies shoulders. Wasn't she part of a team?

These girls play with knees and ankles that are in braces or taped. What are we teaching our girls? K lives eats and breathes basketball. Coach said that she is strong for the c squad, but since not many teams in our conference have a C squad she won't get a lot of playing time. It seems to me that playing in a game is not the same as practice. Coach said that in practice, K needs to give more effort. So I told K, in the presence of the coach, that in practice, none of the girls are her friends. I don't advocate quitting. But I do believe in fairness. Is it all about winning or is it about team work and being part of a team?

I don't like to be an ass to people. But, it seems to me that most teen females have self esteem issues anyway. Why push them down when we should be lifting them up?

Food FIght

So M had a rough day at school today.

Got through the morning alright. At lunch he started throwing his food around because he wanted somebodies attention. When the teacher called him on it, he slammed his tray down and threw the rest of his food all over the area where he was sitting. The teacher walked away rather than let it escalate, and M threw his cookies at a classmate, called them all a bunch of "sons of bitches" and started a tantrum.

So he spent the rest of the day with the special ed teacher.

Tomorrow he has to help the janitor by wiping down the tables in the lunch room as punishment for his behavior.

He is on a number of meds, more like a pharmacy.

I recommended to the special ed teacher that we adjust the time of delivery of M's noon med so that it would have a little more time in his body before lunch. Seems like it might take an act of congress and special permission from the doctor to move it from 12 to 11:30.

My thought is that the prescription is not rigid in that it has to be given at 12:00 when it says noon on the label. I understand rules, and logic but geez.

So he lost privileges tonight. Now, we are having an argument about food. he doesn't want to accept that his food has to be cooked before he can eat it.

M and the walk

So M was in fine form today. I have to try to keep my heart rate down, and he has to push as many buttons as he can to get his daily dose of scolding and punishment.

He got the other kids so upset, and stated that he didn't want to live here anymore. Not thinking, I told him he knew where the door was. He actually walked out wearing one shoe, no socks, no coat. Guess I won't call his bluff like that again.

Will be on the phone with his doctor tomorrow though. T was so upset he was going to chase M down. T is a high functioning autistic, so he was pretty upset, he doesn't normally show emotion. Given that I was in the hospital this last week with heart trouble, and T knows what that means, he was very upset. K - one of my girls - had to physically restrain T.

Not sure what we are going to do with M, but this can't continue, he is causing problems with the rest of the family. How do we weigh the needs of 6 people over the needs of 1?

Heart event

So I had what the doctors refer to as a heart event. Now, I am supposed to keep calm. I have blood pressure medicine.

How can I keep calm when a child is constantly doing things he shouldn't be, taking things that aren't his, and hoarding garbage?

The ODD and OCD in him will make both of us crazy.

I have to remove myself from the situation, over and over again, as I really don't want the heart event to recur or become something more severe.

I was told by my daughter that out of all of the kids, M was the only one who was not upset about me being in the hospital. Is it because he doesn't understand? He is only 9, yet...