a reflection on the year

a moment of reflection. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my first heart event. I have had three this year. It is not an experience I recommend to anyone. I also had three mini-strokes a week after the March blizzard. The year has been a series of ebbs and flows. I haven't worked for a whole year, we closed my computer business that day. I spend my time taking care of myself, and my kids as much as my health allows. I have had to let go of a lot of things; siding the house, new roof on lower roof and garage, garden, yard work, and a few other things to name a few. You never know how much you do in a day, week or month until you can't do any of them anymore. I have been blessed with an incredible family who have stepped up to handle those things that I can not. In the process I have learned how hard it is to swallow pride. I have learned how easy it is to ask for help when I need it. Through it all, I have been given a couple of new diagnoses, including Fibromyalgia, and Hypothyroidism. I have a script for a walker, that I haven't had to use for a month now thanks to the magic of prednisone. I have two canes that I use as needed, though it seems more often lately. I have developed a fantastic group of online friends who offer me support when I need it. My friends in Fibromyalgia Chat and Reality Autism offer the support I couldn't find locally. I have a special place in my heart for the people who make up Carls group. They have listened to my rants, and shared their own. Heard about our struggles with the school district, and offered advice. In being part of that group, I have learned most of all that you can always move forward, and that sometimes taking two steps back is a step forward. In the coming weeks, I am launching a new site: http://www.whynotfathers.com to offer support for those fathers who suddenly find themselves staying home with their families. You can follow us on Twitter @whynotfathers I am starting to realize one thing that I value. Life is what you make it. Each day can be a good day, no matter how bad the day is. Making the decision to embrace the negative in a positive way will have an impact in your life. Thank you friends, and most of all thank you family, for giving me the past year, and putting up with my need to make sure the couch isn't lonely. :)

Merry Christmas Wishes and a Message.

For each that reads this, our wish is that you have a Merry Christmas. Remember those who have less good fortune than you. Remember our veterans in this time of war, and pray that they make it through the next 24 hours without death. For those families who have a loved one on deployment, please grant them peace of mind this day. Remember the homeless, that they may know warmth and not hunger. Welcome hope, and not despair. For those who are ill, a day of relief, an hour of calm, whatever they need. For the loved ones of the ill, may you find peace knowing that your loved one is cared for this day. In life, we choose how to live. May each of us live to our potential, embrace the challenge, and enjoy each breath. Hug your loved ones everyday, like it is the last time you will see them. Speak of your love for them, that they might remember your voice and your words. We live by action and deed. We lead by example, and word. For those who know only hatred in their heart, please let them feel love and friendship. A father of many.

A Christmas Message - Family Voices of North Dakota.

Greetings everyone as we enter this Christmas season. Isn't life glorious?

I decided to do something a little different this season for my Christmas post. In actuality, I don't recall doing anything last year, so let's call it a new tradition for A Father of Many.

You see, about 2 and a half years ago, I had the opportunity to participate in this seminar called “Parent Leadership Institute”. This seminar brought 23 participants to the small but wonderful town of Edgeley, North Dakota. The organization is called Family Voices of North Dakota. In what has become an annual event, leaders from across the country present leadership topics and training sessions on a wide variety of topics. Topics such as giving testimony to leaders and policy makers, sharing your story, learning what you know, and how to find what you don't know, as well as many other topics. The staff from Family Voices help mold the next generation of parent leaders through example and by showing a selfless sense of service to others. If they aren't a model, or Servant Leadership, then maybe the model needs to be redesigned.

Why is this significant?

Through the Parent Leadership Institute, the organization works to train parent leaders as stewards to help other parents in similar situations with their children. Situations can be a bad word depending on your perspective, but in this instance, it is a good word. Many families across the state of North Dakota are experiencing what can only be called extraordinary health issues, especially in regards to children.

The organization helps families by providing guidance on where to go for help. Who to call for help. Through a largely volunteer organization, staffed by regional part time hard working parents, and one executive director who is something of a spark plug, this organization provides support on an as needed basis. While working with diverse populations, including those who live on the Native American Reservations in our state, they work with federal, state and local agencies to get the families the support they need. And they do it on a shoe string budget.

Couple all of this energy with a volunteer board of directors, and you have an organization that puts the heart in the Family Voices of North Dakota logo. In our state nearly every city is located on a crossroad. It is fitting that the organization would take as their motto, “Navigating Crossroads to Hope”. In part because of the hard work of the staff, volunteers and their director, they provide hope to families from all walks of life.

Please join me in saying Thank You to Donene and the staff at Family Voices of North Dakota. One day, your family may need the hope that they can help you find. Sometimes all it takes to make a difference are comforting voices of friendly people.

If you are of a mind, and would like more information about the good work that this organization does, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would be happy to answer your questions. To be honest, it would be me giving back to the community for all that the Family Voices of North Dakota staff have done for me and my family.

On the same hand, if you have a child with Autism or a TBI that has been recently diagnosed, let me know, I have some experience being a parent of a child with Autism and another child with a TBI. I can offer some advice and guidance on where to get started on your quest for information.

Remember, your child's special health care needs don't have to be just physical or mental, they can be any combination of the two, or one of the two. All that is required of you is a phone call, and a few minutes of your time. Please, take a few minutes and make that call today. They can help you. Even if it is only because someone listened to you and your concerns for your child. Donene and a client did get the opportunity recently to participate in some events at the national level in Washington D.C. You can find more information about these gentle people on their website. http://www.fvnd.org

Now, I also have a motive to writing this entry. Our friends at Swanson Vitamins are giving a thousand dollars to the organization of my choice if I am lucky enough to win. You can find information about this contest on their site. Just click on the badge.

definition of bully and harassment - a letter to the superintendent

Mr NAME REDACTED Thank you for speaking with me.  We need to speak further regarding this matter. =========================== This is the http://www.dictionary.com definition of harassment. ha·rass·ment  [huh-ras-muhnt, har-uhs-muhnt] Show IPA noun the act or an instance of harassing,  or disturbing, pestering, or troubling repeatedly; persecution: She sued her boss for sexual harassment. This is the http://dictionary.com definition of bullying. bul·ly 1  [bool-ee] Show IPA noun, plural -lies, verb, -lied, -ly·ing, adjective, interjection noun 1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people. As I said during our brief discussion this afternoon, we have disagreed on verbiage before. this is the ND Century Code. SECTION 1. A new section to chapter 15.1-19 of the North Dakota Century Code is created and enacted as follows: Bullying - Definition. As used in this Act: 1. "Bullying" means: a. Conduct that occurs in a public school, on school district premises, in a district owned or leased schoolbus or school vehicle, or at any public school or school district sanctioned or sponsored activity or event and which: (1) Is so severe, pervasive, or objectively offensive that it substantially interferes with the student's educational opportunities; (2) Places the student in actual and reasonable fear of harm; (3) Places the student in actual and reasonable fear of damage to property of the student; or (4) Substantially disrupts the orderly operation of the public school; or b. Conduct that is received by a student while the student is in a public school, on school district premises, in a district owned or leased schoolbus or school vehicle, or at any public school or school district sanctioned or sponsored activity or event and which: (1) Is so severe, pervasive, or objectively offensive that it substantially interferes with the student's educational opportunities; (2) Places the student in actual and reasonable fear of harm; (3) Places the student in actual and reasonable fear of damage to property of the student; or (4) Substantially disrupts the orderly operation of the public school. 2. "Conduct" includes the use of technology or other electronic media. =================== If my daughters are so upset about the way these young ladies like NAME REDACTED (sp) are treating them, that it causes an interference in their basic right to an education, how does that not fall within the realm of bullying?  This is not a matter that I am taking lightly.  This is not a matter that the school should be taking lightly.  If it is happening to my girls, I guarantee you that it is happening to others.  The fact that you recognize NAME REDACTED attitude, personality and treatment of faculty and students, and don't do anything to remedy the issue tells me that the district don't take the matter seriously. What is the next step?  As I said, we need to have a conversation regarding this topic.  It needs to involve the community, and it needs to start before May. What is the next step?  Will the school address the bullying that my daughters are experiencing or won't it?  Inaction is a response. I need to know that you received this message.   Please respond that you at least received it. If necessary I will do an open records request regarding any email sent from myself to the school district to determine that you did in fact receive this email. Thank you

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affordable care

So, I went to fill a script for my daughter at the druggist.  As a result of the ObamaCare affordable care act thingy, her script isn't covered.  It would be if she was over 18, but then she wouldn't qualify for the program that would cover it, because she was over 18.

That defies logic.

I asked how much it would cost if I paid cash. 570 dollars.
I asked how much if I paid for two pills.  42 dollars.

My family lives in North Dakota.  Because of my health, I am not working.  Before affordable care was enacted, medicaid would have covered the tab.  In what way, shape or form is this affordable?  I am not independently wealth.  just for meds in our house, we are paying nearly 1500 a month.  if we add the script she was given this week, it would be over 2000.  our income is around 36k a year.  in what way is this affordable?  affordable to whom?

fiction or reality

You know, dads think that they are fairly strong. We fix things when we can, and if we don't know how, we get someone else to do the job.

I am going to try to develop a community discussion about bullying in this town.  adults doing it to adults, adults bullying students, and so on...  Life ain't easy.  But if we don't teach our kids to respect themselves, they will never respect other people.  kids mirror the behavior that they learn at home.  If the kids are bullying other kids, what does that tell society about their home life?

Now, I am not saying every home life is that way.  There are kids who follow the leader.  They often times see the bully as a leader and follow their example.  Doesn't make it right.  When the leader can be identified, would they deny being the bully/leader if challenged?  I wonder.  There is a bully in the senior class. That person has followers who mimic behavior and actions.  If the bully was called to task what would happen?

History shows us that when bullies are confronted they find others to blame.  Even a year ago.  Our fair district had students get caught cheating on a final exam.  Students, faced with failing the exam, complained to parents. Parents called the superintendent.  the exam was not counted toward final grades.  Why?

Maybe the teacher decided that the exam was flawed and through it out.
Maybe the teacher decided that the students deserved a break.
Maybe the superintendent brought pressure to bear on the teacher and the teacher through the exam out.
Maybe all of this is just supposition.  a figment of my imagination.

I am a writer. I can put words together and form coherent thoughts.  That scares people.  I am also a researcher.  If I look at a history and something looks wrong with it, I will try to find out what it is.

But then, there are people who will think that this post is fiction.  Can't be happening in our town.  There was a little town that thought it couldn't happen in their community.  There are places in our country with names like Paducah.  Omaha. Cape Fear. Columbine.  I do not wish those horrors on anyone.  all of the horrors that happened in the schools in those communities started or had their start as a result of bullies.

We can choose to believe that this is fiction.  Or we can take the necessary steps to make it stay fiction.  to do that we need to communicate as a community.

saw my daughter

Saw my daughter tonight. she looks and sounds so much better than she did on Wednesday. She asked me if I was disappointed with her. We talked about how I am always telling the kids to talk about and be honest about their feelings. I asked her how I could be disappointed in her doing what I have been telling her to do. I am not disappointed in her.

We talked about what is going to happen when she goes back to school and what she wants to happen. We talked about how people were eventually going to find out where she was, and why. We talked about what I needed to do to help our community develop a policy regarding bullying in the schools. I told her that unless she told me I could help her, that I didn't feel free to talk about it. I explained that it is happening to other kids. I explained that the only way we can begin the process of ending bullying is to talk about what is going on. I said, that means naming her. and talking about how she felt.

Before I left, she said: "you can help me."

I am so proud of her. I could just burst.

she didn't hurt herself. she did, however, have a weapon of choice, and a plan of action. which are two of the three pillars upon which suicides happen. I will say it again, I am forever grateful for the people who helped save her by convincing her to talk about how she was feeling.

Bullying

I am going to rant.

Bullying is an epidemic that needs to be eradicated like small pox.

When a child talks of hurting themselves because of the behaviors of a few, it is a community issue.  Everyone in the community needs to get involved in working toward a solution.

My family is affected by this.  Why?  Because of bullying.  We live in a small town, and are seen as outsiders by those who have lived here for a long time.  Not the parents so much as the kids. These behaviors are learned at home.  We need to work together to affect a change that shows the youth of today that bullying in any form is just not acceptable behavior.

A parent should not fear that their child will kill themselves.  Words can not express how grateful I am that my daughter sought the help she so desperately needed.  We need to bring immediate attention to this, and put in place whatever supports and/or committees are necessary to eliminate this problem.

Bullying occurs on so many levels, adults bullying co-workers, parents bullying kids, and so on.  This behavior is most often learned at home.  Please, speak to your children about how they are treating their peers.

Young people, if you know of someone who is experiencing this issue, you need to speak up.  talk to a teacher, write an anonymous note.  Anything, but please don't let it hide in the shadows.  Nothing good can come of that.

i beg you, please help end bullying now.