What value do you place on the family unit? When it comes to a child with mental disability, after you have done everything humanly possible to work with the child, is it giving up to let someone else take on the challenges of raising him or her to adulthood?
We are faced with the dilemma of placing our son in a residential setting for part of his life. If it isn't our failure as parents that caused this outcome, then why do I feel like a failure? Ultimately, I guess it is about what is right for the rest of the family. It doesn't make the decision any easier. But in the end, we do have other children that we love and value just as much as him. In my mind, the decision has already been made, it is just a matter of when the placement begins.
I have to tell myself that we did not fail him. Even though he is going to be placed, it is a matter of his continued success in life and out of a desire to give him every opportunity to succeed that we do this. Still, I feel like we are failing him. In time, I will come to the realization that this is the next step in his care plan and not my failure. Like the doctor said, we held on for him far longer than most other parents would have. It isn't our son's fault that he is this way. It is a product of his bio-moms drug use.
If our son is not successful in the initial placement, he will be placed in another facility in the state. If that is not successful, he will be placed at a facility in another state. Our son will need care of some kind for the rest of his life. Some aspects of it will include structured work placement and things of that nature.